It seems as though my life is in the hands of an author who desires to give His audience a story which will keep them on the edge of their seats, scared, thrilled, waiting to see what could possibly happen next. It is unique and yet so full of normal life. I wonder when, if ever, I will be able to sit and simply enjoy where He has me at in life. Time tends to move faster then I have to process and understand why things happen the way they do.
I know that through ever journey these past 16 and a half years have held have been full of lessons and touch situations. But I also feel like all of those adventures and rough situations have really played into developing who I am today. Now I am waiting again to see where God is going to take us next.
My Daddy was let go yesterday, so he is looking for a new job. But there is a chance we might have to move away again. I can't help but wonder if it will bring me closer to Alex. I am hoping in my heart that it does but I know that no matter what I hope, God's plans stand in my life. Part of me is afraid of where I'll be, and how it will interfere with all the dreams I have. I don't want to leave the people that I love so much.
A year ago, if the possibility of moving became reality I would have been ecstatic. I was looking for every way to get out of New York. I wanted to get away from all of the pain and confusion I was feeling. I wanted to try to start over. I was loosing touch with my friends, our church fell apart, and we were desperately struggling to find something to live for. We wanted to know what God had for us here in New York. Everything felt so hopeless and empty. But God kept us here, and closed all the doors. Since then we have become part of a church we love. The hearts there reach out and touch each other, we are coming together for God. My mom, sister and I started in the worship team and fell in love with it. I started working, and fell in love with the people I work with. I have been touched and have touch others. I feel like I have a purpose here. I feel like God has been using me and has been using others in my life. My family was able to help my uncle and cousin because we stayed. We gave them a home, and tried to give them a place where they felt welcome and loved.
The idea of leaving everything God has done in this last year is depressing. I know God's plans are so much bigger then me, but sometimes it is so hard to keep walking and never seeing where I am going, until I am gone and can look back on it. I do want what He wants for me. But it will be hard to leave this all behind.
Oh don't I know! I hate the idea of moving!But like you said, don't give up. God's plans (as you have figured out!) are way bigger than we ever expect.
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