It is Called Romance

With closed eyes and a soft smile upon my lips, I sit in wonder at him, trying to comprehend how any human could love me when I see constantly how I fail him. He loves me even while my imperfections are so prominent in my life and I am blown away at the very thought. Sometime I feel as though I am leaf on a tree and a single magnificent thought can sweep through the branches of my abode and carry me away on this silent breeze so much bigger than I am. How can anyone love someone so much that those imperfection are so completely  understood and even loved. And I ask while myself feeling as though I couldn’t love this man any more myself. I love him for his mistakes and his imperfections, I love everything about him; who he is, who isn’t, who want’s to be, his heart and anything and everything else related to him. Two years ago I would have never been able to comprehend a love to real and undying. 

What amazes me if the fact that it seems to be so much easier to feel so in love with a human; who is still a sinner however hard they try to be perfect, and yet I haven’t felt that same love for a perfect, selfless, completely faithful, forgiving and loving God; someone who was once a man and gave up everything for me. There is one who loves me more then that man I am so in love with ever could. There is one who continues to love even as I forget Him and run from Him. He more then a Father, He should be the very lover of my soul. 

It is sickening to think of how I have so abused His love for me. When things hard , instead of trusting Him, I yell at Him and demand an answer. I want  what I want when I want it. I don’t like when things don’t work out the way I think they should. I blame God for the pain and struggles, I feel angry and sometimes even forgotten. But why would someone who loves me enough to die for me even when I sit here and sin time and time again suddenly leave me? Why would He do something to hurt me? Why would He forget me? Why would He lead me somewhere and then decide to drop me off in the middle of the road to fend for myself? Men and Women might do that, but a God who loves like our God would not abandon me. So why do I question what He is doing in my life and where He is leading me? If there is any being in the world and beyond it that I should be trusting it should be the one who can do anything, understands everything, and loves unconditionally. Why do I at time choose to trust the humans over my God? 

The same Romance between a man and a woman should be something that I should be experiencing with my God; my King; my Lord. He loves me so much more than my man, He loves me so much more then I could ever imagine. His love is perfect, undying, selfless and faithful. 

As I sit here, I realize how inept I can be. A real relationship with God should be a real romance. I should want to sit here and wonder at Him and his love the same way I am about the man I love. I should want everyone to know about Him and His love the way I want everyone to know about my man’s love. I should want to praise Him and worship Him and live for Him with a passion beyond anything I have experienced. 

All I can think as I ponder this is how I have so failed my God’s love for me. He is the very center of my life and heart and yet my love often is out of obedience and obligations rather then a heart full and over flowing with love. He is so awesome, so holy and perfect. He is beyond a prince charming, He is a Lord crying out for my love in return for everything He has given up for me.  

If I can love a man with all my heart, I should be able to love my Lord beyond what my heart can describe. If I can’t understand how and why a man can love me with all my flaws. How can I even begin to comprehend how my God loves me? I should be bedazzled by Him.