It seems as I glance back over my shoulder at days past, everyday my world- the place inside myself which defines the things I have seen and done, the words which I have spoken and received, the faces I meet, and have seen from a distance, and the thoughts which have grown and matured in my heart- has grown in leaps and bounds, and continues to expand immeasurably day-by-day. I look into my mirror, the glass which peers with such accuracy into ones soul, so much so that I dare not question the reflection before me; it shows me things of beauty but also those things which one would choose to keep from sight, and as I stand day-by-day the image I see before me gradually reveals subtle changes about me; changes which leave evidence of the growth which has been forming within me since birth; changes for better and for worse.
I-the girl, so carefully preserved, clothed in innocence, kept apart from the world all these years so as to maintain the wistful haunting beauty of the pure ignorance of the evils of this corrupted world wherein all men have made a home-have been found now face-to-face with the strange and mysterious revealings of the things of this world, and the things in which inhabit it, and I have been startled both in awe and disgust. This world in where I live, is like a grand story book; there things that I have seen and now heard with my own eyes and ears I believed had only existed in stories, which goes to reveal the ignorance and blissful dreaming of my heart. I have been pressed and questioned by my own beliefs which are so contradictory to the morals of this world, and I have been challenged and continue to stumble upon questions seemingly without answers. This great world in which I had been so protected from now rests at my doorstep, and I am learning and growing, maturing and strengthening my own convictions. This world is a big dark place, full of shadows and little whisperings meant to lure me away from the road I was meant to travel, but in this world there is also hope, growth and beauty beyond description.
These past few months have brought about changes and growth in me beyond anything I could have prepared myself for. Valleys and mountains have dived and risen throughout this journey, deserts have stretched past the horizon, oceans have lapped against my walls, the roaring waves, foaming as wild beasts beset themselves upon me seeking to overwhelm me, and just as I believe I'm being drowned and washed away, overcome by the rabid surge, I always find myself, when I open my eyes again washed upon some distant shore, and although I appear wet and battered, I am breathing and miles away from the angry sea. As I walk I encounter trials of every countenance, bearing alien emotions, fears and questions. The very things I never before imagined my heart would experience, are the very things my feet now tread upon. However though this journey is encamped with pains and questions, deep within the heart of this being, I am finding joy, and real peace in God.
There is something particularly exciting about walking a road less traveled, knowing that though I willing chose the harder road there is also a God whose grace surpasses the afflictions and weaknesses of self. As I walk my steps become less about how this will benefit me in the long run, but delighting in the idea of how my afflictions and infirmities make room for God's glory to be displayed. The more I walk a more difficult road, the more I find the need for God and the more I delight in His presences and His glory. I realize more and more, how little I understand God, how little I know Him, the lack of comprehension I have of His power, love and glory. It is an exciting thoughts to imagine how much greater God is then my mind can comprehend, and yet that one day I will surly see His glory revealed among all nations. To live for God I am finding, bring satisfaction that cannot possibly be found in living for self desires and the fleeting happiness the world offers.
I look into this glass and I realize that this little girl before me, is a little girl who is for the first time in her short life, beginning to see what it means to live simply for the Glory of God. I am small, and infected with sin and great weaknesses, and I see more everyday as I walk about this confused sad world that if I live for Self I have lost everything, just as those sad unhappy faces reflect the empty wanderings of their self-driven lives. I will only be filled and made complete in God, through His grace. This I now see as I watch my little mirror day-by-day.
No comments:
Post a Comment