A Wondering Heart

       It is quiet a conflict within ones self, when you begin to listen to the worlds croons and calls. It is a misleading of the heart; a doubting, wondering heart. It is so crucial to hold on to God's truths, regardless of the circumstance and the logic of the world. Yet the conflict often becomes, what is God's truth? What He is promising me? The world as an awful habit of twisting words, meaning, and implying things which were not meant to begin with. They make sense out of things which make little sense Spiritually, but because of the logic behind it, it makes me question what God is truly saying to me...


         This month has been a battle of truth and logic. One that has left me questioning, hanging and praying for something to make sense; something which would lead my wondering heart. Perhaps something that would connect the dots in-between the opposing arguments. But what I didn't realize was the very fact that there were no dot's to connect. The only thing that mattered was God's truth; things that He asked us and things that He promised us if we walked His road.
    
        I don't have to worry about what makes sense to people. Or even what makes sense to myself, as long as I know I am doing my best to live according to the life God desires me to live. If I am seeking Him with a heart that wants to know Him and serve Him, it is true I will still make decisions that aren't always the right decisions before God, but He will lead me and guide and pick me up again. I will continue to rise even when I fall hard, because if I don't walk this road with God what do I have in this World? Part of falling, is part of learning and part of growing. I can't know everything, but if I strive to know God the more I have to stand on. In every circumstance and situation God will always provide a way because my heart is for Him and Him alone.

       My wondering heart worries much over what the world will me and my life choice. My wondering heart I often catch lusting over acceptance and the simple pleasure of even one heart which beams with pride for me. But that isn't what I'm supposed to be wondering. This life isn't about being accepted or approved of by men, but by God. I am called to be a servant, just as my Jesus was for me. No other title or ambition is acceptable in my eyes, when I want to be living for Him and like Him. He gave everything; thought nothing of Himself and things He could gain in this world. And so as I believe God is leading me somewhere, I must not let my heart wonder. For God's road isn't easy but it is the only road I can walk with a heart that truly pleases the Lord. No more wondering.

      I want to hold fast to the life I believe with my whole heart that God is calling me to lead. The world can think many things, but I will aways have a hand to hold with God.