It's amazing to me, when I realize, that in a single moment, a solitary word could change the picture I see my life creating. I am a giant tapestry; a life where every moment is a thread in the master piece. I always think that I begin to understand what picture my life might create in the tapestry, but just as I begin to imagine the wonderful things God has planned, a new thread is strung, woven in such a way as to immediately change that image. A single color; a single thread can change everything. And often times, when something has been added that I didn't expect it causes my heart to cry out. I mourn for this image that I saw forming in my mind that was disturbed by this way ward thread. Everything I had begun to plan for this master piece was cut away, leaving me to wonder what good thing could come from this picture that was being woven out of my life. Could God take that thread and build off of it and make something beautiful out of it? Or was the beautiful picture I saw being created before my eyes, ruined forever?
It seems rather foolish to me now I as recognize my concern for this image that God is creating out of my life, for God is a God who creates only good. He is beautiful, and creates us in His own image, so why am I so fearful that God won't be able to create something beautiful out of my life? If I have truly given Him my life, to use and create for me, then He is my artist, and He knows the picture my life will create if I trust what He has planed for it. I am not in charge of planing this master piece, or creating the image I believe it should be. I so often give it God and then when I begin to see what is happening and what He is doing in my life, I get excited and take the needle back and begin to thread my own life. But it doesn't work that way. Things begin to fall apart and make little sense.
When God begins to work, and create something in me, I don't understand, and I fail to trust what He is doing, because I am seeing an unfamiliar image. I can't make sense of what is being created or what is happening around me. But perhaps it's a lot like heaven. Perhaps I can't understand because I am ignorant to the beauty. It makes me think of heaven; for there are things in heaven that I know I can't begin to fathom; colors that are beyond this world, images, that even the most artistic and open minds can not begin to comprehend. Perhaps life is like heaven. God is creating an image that we cannot yet understand or comprehend because it is too glorious and heavenly and pure for even the most righteous hearts of us.
As I think about all the mysteries every day holds, and all the times when my plans and dreams crumble around me, I wonder is God just doing a work in my life that I can't begin to comprehend. I have given my life to God, and I want Him to lead me where He will, but I need to trust that as He leads my life He has His picture of what my everyday will create. He knows exactly where He wants me, and the beauty it will create in me.
These past years have been roller coasters of emotions, dreams, hopes and plans. God has taken me places I'd never dared dream of, He has fought me and my plans trying to get me to realize that His plans for me are so much better than mine. I think it is time that I surrender the needle that weaves my life picture, into God's hand.
I want the tapestry of my life to be like heaven; a beauty I cannot begin to comprehend, colors that my mind is incapable of imagining; images that my heart dare not dream of. I want my life to be God's picture for me, because I am an amateur artist, and I cannot create the picture that God can create in me.
God's plans are beautiful, even through the pain.
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