As I drove to work this morning, I rolled down the windows, and let the cool Autumn breeze embrace me, and as the music surrounded me, and the clouds-white billowing puffs of mountainous mass covering the horizon- I felt like I could breathe. The crisp and refreshing air filling not simply my lungs but the deeper and more intimate part of me, was as if I were drinking from a sacred spring of precious water; yet not just a precious water, but a drink that quenched a thirst not physical but Spiritual. I felt washed and refined. It was sweet like honey, and yet a warm and fuzzy feeling that filled my stomach.
Somedays can be so hard as I try to be patient as God leads me. Somedays I just want everything to stop spinning, to stop moving; to stand completely still; completely quite. I know deep inside my heart that God is here, and that as each new day arises that He is going to not just give me strength for that day but also for the next day. Somedays I wonder why He asks some people to do hard things. Somedays I wonder why He chose me for what I feel so called to do, and walk through these next few years. Sometimes I wish for just a moment that I could see what would happen down the road as I walk so blindly by God's side. Somedays, I can't stop thinking though everything, I try to make sense of things that are simply not suppose to make sense that day.
Last time I wrote-more an week ago- I wrote of love, and how I feel so convicted to carry a selfless, sacrificial heart. I have realized that it isn't just love, that should be centered on a selfless, sacrificial heart, but also my every day; my very life objectives. Or rather that my love for God should be leading my life in a selfless and sacrificial train of thought.
I truly desire with everything in me to do with my life what God desires, but sometimes it isn't easy when I feel pressured buy the people I love so dearly to do something that I don't believe God is leading. I don't understand why God would ask things of me that people don't understand, but I suppose I don't understand God.
As each day comes and goes, I feel renewed and a growing passion within my self to give my life to God; which includes my heart, dreams, desires, and even the desire for approval from the ones I love; it means be willing to give up everything that is precious to me for the sake of living my life for Christ.
I know I may not be prepared for what will happen, or what this sacrifice may entail for my future, but I suppose if I've truly given my life to Christ completely than it isn't my life to be concerned about any more. I am a heart in a body, here to simply give what is gifted in me to God and the people He surrounds me with.
I know it may not be easy, and people won't understand why I chose to do something that doesn't make sense in the worlds eyes, but why am so worried about it if it isn't my life anymore?
That breath of air this morning, it filled me and completed me for a time. Everywhere around me and in everything I do, I'm seeing God's finger prints. It's okay to wonder, but I know I don't need worry. I'm giving my life and my desires to God. What ever happens, what ever He does with it, it is in His hands.
My prayer tonight is that God would fill me with a peace and fire that burns for Him alone.
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