Are there words enough to describe the contradictions of my heart these past few days? I wonder is there is any way to describe the hopeful hopelessness and the strength that surges within me as I fall again and again too weary to rise, is there a single phrase which would do justice to the strange conflict of my soul? I rise to fall and fall to rise, searching for some hidden mystery behind all of these senseless battles?
Is there anyone of you whom have even felt so strange within your heart. To be strong and holding fast to the things you believe that God has placed on your heart, and yet to fall in the midst, overcome by a alien sense of complete and utter helplessness? Have you ever been so passionate in seeking a life of serving our Lord, and yet felt so lost and discouraged at the very same moment?
A season they tell me, just a season. But how much longer can any single season possibly last? I'm tried of fighting, I'm tired of the confusion and I'm tired of a heart which aches and hurts no matter how much I lean on and trust my God. It is true that He is giving me strength, and I am finding joy in Him and I know without a doubt that He is enough to satisfy the deepest longing of my soul, but the ache is still there, and so the hope that someday soon, it won't have to ache any more. That someday this season, will bring about sunshine and peace which lasts through the night.
